CC: Why those expat so snob one?Me: Because their salaries are quadrupled yours?
CC: Hmppphh..=================Who is an expatriate? Obviously anyone coming to work in Malaysia or Singapore from another country. For that matter, a
Nepalese security guard could even consider himself an expatriate.
Time was when expatriates lives in big bungalows and led swank lives. They swaggered through Malaya as though they owned the place. (Well actually, they did, for like 400 years). But those days have gone forever and the expatriate community has changed dramatically. The last of the old-school colonialists have packed their bags and slunk away into the mists of time.
Today's expat will be younger and more enlightened. And given the economic problems of the West, many are happy to work in Malaysia on local wages and conditions. They travel by LRT or taxi, while more affluent Malaysians speed by in
beemer or
jaguar. They queue up at the food courts, while local businessmen luxuriate in five-star hotel restaurants. They wash their own laundries and clean their own toilet, while local families employ two or three maids to do the same works.
And, of course today's expat mix more freely with their fellow Malaysians. Instead of retreating to expat ghettoes, they'll be rubbing shoulders with your average
Ah Kit. Chances are, they'll even marry his sister.
And contrary to popular believe, the average Caucasian does not live a highly glamorous lifestyle. Most nights he will be home alone, watching TV and fantasizing over the female
newscasters.
When his phone rings, it is mostly a wrong number. His biggest thrill each night will be soaking his white shirt and actually removing some of the stains. He will eat alone at a 'posh' restaurant like the
Pizza Hut or the
KFC.
Myth and Reality:
====================Almost all Caucasian men consider that they possess
Godlike physiques, charm and sexual prowess. What they do possess, in fact, are
God-awful versions of the above.
A white men also believes that Malaysian girls are
acrobats, ready to bed over backward to please him. For their part, Malaysian girls think they are from a
circus, too: the freak show, possibly as The Elephant Man.
Are white men more generously
endowed that local men? According to Malaysian girls, about the only thing expatriate is good at extending is his
credit limit. Caucasians men appear to need constant reassurance that their organs are significantly longer. Being
polite and not wishing to offend, Malaysian girls tell them exactly what they want to hear, even though the reverse is actually the truth, thereby perpetuating the myth.
Therefore, the notion "
ang moh tuah kee" (white men big thing) is not only inaccurate, but downright offensive.
Classification of the Expat
====================While, most expat think that all Asians look the same, it seems that most Asians think all expat look the same too.
Therefore it is important to understand the cultural differences of the ang moh species. The
Australians aren't the same as the
Austrian. The
British aren't the same as the
Belgians. And nobody is the same as the
New Zealanders.
The Wizards from OZ
==========================Many overse**d Australian expatriates have wrongly been called
lechers. Actually, lecher is a common Australian word used in such phrases as: "Lecher hair down, luv" and "You go on top and I'll lecher know what it feels like".
Many Malaysian women believe that 93% of all Australian Expatriates are called
John. According to legend, only one of them is called John, but he's slept with 93% of all Malaysian SPGs.
Not all Australian men are interested in women. Over half the visitors to the
Bukit Bintang are believed to be Aussie airline stewards. In a recent survey comparing the Eiffel Tower with
Qantas stewards, it was discovered that not everyone had been up the
Eiffel Tower.
Blue Blood English
==========================
Once, the most s** excitement an Englishmen could ever expect was from a pickpocket. Then, along came SPG.
As former colonial masters of Malaya, British expatriates believe they have a distinct advantage over other nationalities in the pursuit of local girls.
Many Englishmen believe they can attract Malaysian women simply by lifting their fingers. What they don't realized is that when they lift their little fingers, many Malaysian women think they are having an erection.
The Brits are famous for having
stiff upper lips. However, Malaysian girls wish that other parts of their bodies were equally as stiff.
When a Brits expats asks a girl for a
quickie, it is on of the rare occasions when he is actually being honest.
Sadly, 82.4% of all Brits expats have slept with a transvestite. Apart from saving money, lonely British men are quite accustomed to having people
turn their back on them.
Nevertheless, the polite, courteous
Pommie still earns a top rating. At the back of her mind is the remote hope that he might even be related to
royalty, or at least
Roger Moore.
Free Scotts
==========================
Scotsmen are more secretive and conceal their genitalia beneath their tartan skirt. Malaysian girls are often confused as to which clan a Scotsman actually belongs. All she has to do is lift up his kilt. If he has a quarter-pounder lurking beneath it, he is obviously a
McDonald.
The Scotsmen are also amazed that so many Malaysian girls have deep voices, hairy legs and
Adam's apples.
The Swiss Fondue
==========================Because Swiss is a neutral country, Swiss expat ensure their attempt at lovemaking is also neutral. Going to bed with a Swiss expatriate is about as exciting as spending Saturday afternoon in
Geneva.
Many Swiss men believe they possess a male organ would rival the
Matterhorn, whereas local girls don't think their
horns matter at all.
The Dutch
==========================
There is no truth in the rumor that Dutchmen prefer lesbians, despite the fact that Holland contains many
dykes.
Dutchmen prefer to make love under the
windmill. Since there are none of them here, they lead a celibate life.
Scandinavians
==========================Should an SPG goes to bed with a tall, blond-headed man and ask "Are you
finish, lah?" he will probably answer "No I'm
Swedish". The scandinavians never go to the brothels because they believe in
free love.
=================Me: Well, that about all the expat men that u need to know.
CC: Wait.. how about American?Me: If u think I left out the Americans on purpose, you got me wrong.
To be perfectly honest, the slick, young, buttoned-down Americans wouldn't be seen dead with an SPG. A
local girl, yes, but not an SPG.
The American Navy, however, is an entirely different kettle of fish. When a
Yankee ship drops anchor, so does she. She'll be in the front line at the
Port Klang ready to give her all. Many a sailor returns to his vessel, exhausted, after firing off a few rounds with his
8-inch gun.
The Marines swear by the SPG: they're impressed by the
bravery of a girl who's always prepared to go down with the ship.
